With GCSE results out this Thursday, an education expert has told parents to “keep their own emotions in check” and focus on supporting their child.
Drew Povey says parents should remember that exam results “are not the final verdict” and how they react may have a bigger impact on their child than they realise.
“Parents are naturally going to want the best for their children but it’s important to remember that these results will not define their life,” says Drew, based in Warrington, Cheshire.
“Your child is not just those marks on the page – use whatever the day brings as a lesson in resilience, in understanding what went well and in what can be improved on in the future.
“The real tests in life are not exams but how we deal with what life throws at us in the real world. If the results aren’t what you hoped for, that doesn’t mean the destination can’t be reached – the route might just be more scenic.”
Here Drew, the former star of Educating Manchester, offers his 10 tips to help parents in supporting their children on GCSE results day.
1. Support first, talk later
Whilst it’s very easy to jump into a lecture when your child opens that envelope and sees the paper, all they really need in the moment is for you to be there, calm and present, to simply listen and support. All those conversations about the results can come later, when emotions have settled and perspectives are much clearer.
2. Separate the person from the performance
The grades that anybody gets measure just an exam day, and don’t determine who they are. Your child is still the same person with the same potential, talents and dreams as they had yesterday and these results do not alter their worth in any way.
3. Treat the results as a moment in time
These GCSE results are just a snapshot, not something to live with for a lifetime. Whilst they do open certain doors, this doesn’t mean all other ones close. The future is not shaped by what happens to you, it is shaped by how you deal with those things. Remind your child that it’s not just about the marks on the page, it’s about what next steps they take and with those next steps there should always be hope.
4. Look for the lessons
Whether your child is pleased or disappointed in their results, there is always something to learn from them. What went well and what can be improved on in terms of effort, resilience, revision habits, exam pressure? Results are about feedback but they are never the final verdict – your child still has a whole lifetime to go.
5. Keep the bigger picture in sight
The real tests of life are not exams, they are always about character and the person you are. Celebrate the qualities of a young person far beyond the classroom because those are the results that will come to matter the most.
6. Comparison is the thief of joy
Avoid comparing your child’s results to that of their friends and peers, as it’s not about them. Everyone’s journey is theirs to own, and comparisons chip away at confidence faster than any grade ever will. Focus on your own child’s results and always encourage them to do the same.
7. Praise the process, not just the product
With these results come weeks and months of hard work and focus. Recognise the work, discipline and resilience it took your child to achieve these GCSEs instead of just the grades themselves which are only an outcome of all this. Effort counts more than anything and is the foundation for all future successes, for now and for later in your child’s life.
8. Use this as a rehearsal for resilience
Life is going to throw much bigger curveballs at your child than GCSEs ever will. If the results aren’t as hoped, use this as a safe space to learn, regroup, reframe and move forwards with resilience. Even if your child’s results are as hoped, recognise what went well and have the resilience to continue this success in life.
9. Talk about multiple pathways
There are many routes to where your child may want to go. Whilst some are straightforward, some are more scenic, and some are completely unexpected, they all lead to the same place. GCSEs don’t hold you back, if your child wants to do something in life they still can, it just may not be in the way they imagined and they may even see different opportunities along the way.
10. Keep your own emotions check
During results, stress from parents can cause the biggest problems. It’s easy to be more overwhelmed by your own fears than your child’s future. Take a deep breath and focus on what they need in the moment, because as mentioned earlier the last thing they are likely to want is a lecture – they simply need your calm presence and support.
