By Amanda Falkson, Director at Psychotherapy City
Money.
In an era where you can shake a stick at any number of divisive topics, the subject of money comes with even more loaded feelings.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve observed with interest how people will open up about their sex lives, substance addictions and family dynamics but never mention finances.
The reason why is clear.
The world is fraught with inequalities and research shows us that HNWIs are fearful of being judged.
A sizable bank account makes many things easier.
But that doesn’t mean that wealth doesn’t come with very real challenges which can be overwhelming for the individual facing them.
The two sides to wealth
As a society, we’re fed the social media-worthy snaps of it.
Extravagant trips, luxury clothing, beautiful home interiors, sparkling jewellery and watches.
However, wealth can also be isolating and difficult to navigate.
In 2015, the Wall Street Journal reported on a number of issues that wealth can exacerbate.
One particularly poignant case study referenced in the article was of a tech founder in his 30s.
At the time of writing, he’d built up and sold a company for millions of dollars.
Until that point, he’d been on a par with his network of peers.
They’d done their schooling together, and their college years. Next, they all entered the working world at the same time, and built successful careers while earning similarly.
With his lucrative exit, this group dynamic was suddenly shattered.
While his friends were thrilled for his success, they no longer knew how to relate to him. And nor him to them.
He began to feel himself lose the close contacts he’d had for most of his life.
It’s not difficult to see how this experience could lead to overwhelming feelings of loneliness for someone.
This can, and did, impact severely on a person’s mental health.
Old money and new money both come with challenges
Wealth doesn’t take away our human needs. And having meaning and purpose in life are very important needs.
Wishing to create a life that has meaning and a sense of purpose is not limited to any group or community.
Whether someone is from a family with a legacy of wealth, or has recently come into a lot of money, the fact remains that we as humans are driven to live purposeful lives.
Wealth does not necessarily prevent this.
But it would also be naive to think that wealth doesn’t have any impact on how we can create a life of purpose.
It might be fun to daydream about not having to work.
In truth, work often provides a lot of purpose to our life. Or, at least, points us in the direction of where we might find it.
With a lot of wealth, the need to work might not be there.
And that means that all the accompanying elements of work disappear too. The self-discovery, the opportunity to build self-esteem, a valuable arena in which to feel proud of ourselves, camaraderie… work gives us a lot.
Trust is another issue that can arise frequently.
Many of my clients have expressed how wealth can become a barrier to forming honest connections with others.
When the elephant in the room is a fortune, how can you know for sure that the people seeking to befriend you for you?
Money and the human being
Our relationship with money is rarely about money alone.
In a therapeutic setting with my wealth counselling clients, I’ve seen how having money can negatively impact their sense of self-worth, no more so than in inheritors or someone who is in receipt of a substantial lifetime gift.
A wealth counsellor can really help in this scenario. And in the other areas I have shared in the article.
The financial advice and wealth management sectors will, of course, help people to plan, invest, manage and grow their wealth.
Wealth counselling is about looking at the human being in the equation.
The fact that it is “wealth counselling” means that wealth, of course, comes under the spotlight.
However, my client and I will explore the intersections between their wealth and the challenging areas of their lives. This might be relationships, purpose, fitting into a new way of life,raising their children with a certain set of values etc.
Away from the shaming that the world might bestow on the “1%”, a category many wealthy people get lumped into whether they’re accurately part of that segment or not, clients feel safe to truly understand themselves as a whole person.
The result is that the individual finds ways to integrate their wealth into their life in a healthier way, build more trusting relationships and define their lives how they wish to do so.
Amanda is a highly experienced psychotherapist, counsellor and coach, with a specific focus on wealth counselling. She worked remotely even before the pandemic and her clients come from the UK, USA and other countries. More information can be found on her website here.
